I would like to set the record straight right now, because as much as I love picking out catchy phrases for myself “Far-fetched Layla” is exactly that, just a catchy phrase I had to come up with for this lovely blog. Please note that everything I do type here will be completely true and that is the only reason that motivated me to create this blog in the first place. To have something I can come and spill truth to, because sometimes people “can’t handle the truth”.
Andrew Stock is my boyfriend and now that I think about it i’m not exactly sure when he started calling me “far-fetched”, but the reason why he started calling me that is , because…. well the things I seem to believe are generally debunked, unrealistic, or considered as conspiracy theories, myths and so on. For example: astrology; some people hate it, and some people love it. I’m one of those people that truly loves it and low-key believes in it.
I’ve always been a little “out there” growing up. I’m trying to think back and I can recall the exact age I started acting up. I was 15 years old when I barely started to express how I felt about the “after effects” of my parents divorce through bizarre clothing trends, badly done piercings, and of course the “devils lettuce” and “devils mouthwash”. (Alcohol&Marijuana)
You see growing up I was actually a pretty good kid. My parents were Mormon and dedicated themselves to taking us to church every sunday and wednesday till they finally gave up individually at separate times. My parents divorced when I was about 6 years old. So, you see I was too young at the time to fully understand what was going on, but I understood why we had to leave my dad.
I remember when I was younger, I was taught to believe that if you did something wrong you will get punished for it physically, and that’s just how discipline was. Growing up both of my parents hit my 2 brothers (Malik and Danilo Jr)and I. It was just something that had to be done if you fucked up. So seeing my dad hit my mom when I was younger was processed the same way. I don’t think I’ll ever understand what my mom and dad truly went through together.
We were still living in Utah at the time when my mom decided enough was enough and she decided to pack up and drive all the way to Laredo, TX to grandmas with my brothers and I where we ended up living for a good while. I don’t really remember saying goodbye to my dad, but I do remember having to take a crap in the middle of nowhere while my mom helped wipe.
Living with grandma seems like a blur, because it wasn’t too long till my my mom finally met Aristeo. My step-dad and my moms husband who she’s been with since 2002. At age 8 I was pretty much old enough to go back and forth from Laredo, Tx to salt lake city, Utah with Malik and Jr to visit my single dad at the time.
It was like that till I was like 17, and through those years so much shit happened I wouldn’t even know where to begin but I was always going up and down with my mom and dad, causing so much drama between them and making them buy airplane tickets for me to go back and forth.
As a teenager I took advantage of the divorce situation and chose which parent to hate and which parent to live off of until finally I got sick of moving. I went back to my mom in Laredo and that’s where I like to think I kinda transformed completely, and not in a good way.I started to go against my mom. I literally made things so much worse that it forced my mother to move into a small apartment with my brothers and I. I was so toxic, my step-dad needed a break.
I was already beyond out of control. I was a drop out with a incomplete G.E.D, but managed to become a C.N.A, and it almost seemed like things were getting better but that lasted like 8 months and I never showed up to work again. I was busy getting high by myself. Since I didn’t go to school anymore my so called friends were becoming distant and that led me to stop working because making money seemed pointless to a 17 year old with no friends.
After a couple of months of living in that small apartment I decided to go outside to my backyard to check on the dogs and smoke a cigarette. For the first time ever I never thought I’d be writing about him in this way, but there Brandon was. As I was sitting on the AC unit outside smoking, he came up to the fence that separated his yard from mine and said ” Hey, aren’t you that girl that wanted to be a nurse?”
B Keith AKA Bee Keith AKA Brandon Schwarz AKA the father of my two beautiful children. Zane Leidon Schwarz and Beatrix Elaine Schwarz. In memory of Brandon I would like to dedicate most of my blog to him, because of him It led me to such an unexpected life, so much pain and sorrow, but so much growth and wisdom. I want to share my side of the story of how he passed away, and how it still effects my life.
Since this is my first actual blog post I will leave you with this. To be continued…..because i’ve never typed this much in my life and my hand is literally cramping.